N4S MW Update again

Okay, so now I'm #3 on the Blacklist. So exciting, huh? I've defeated all my rivals by using my Mustang. I use the other cars in my stable to do the challenges, but the Mustang is really the shit. It's the best handling car that I have. Not necessarily the one with the best top speed, but it gets the job done. I guess I'll see if I can beat this thing tonight.

Update N4SMW

I'm now #5 on the Blacklist. I had one glitch last night while playing, after I had defeated #5 the first time, the XBox froze and wouldn't let me do anything. I was so pissed. I had to restart the console, but luckily, it had saved all my accomplishments up to challenging #5. So I had to do those three races over again.

I do find it irritating, that even though you may be 10 seconds ahead of the competition, they can still catch up to you even if you are going balls to the wall and not crashing or making any mistakes. Pretty much bullshit, if you ask me.

The best thing in my eyes is that I've defeated most of these Blacklist members with the Mustang. Naturally, I couldn't do it in the beginning since I didn't have the funds available, but I've collected a few competitor cars, and replayed some of the challenges just to build up the bankroll. I suppose I will have to see what I can do with the N4S Carbon when I'm done with MW.

Not to brag

But I am now Blacklist Member #8 on Need For Speed Most Wanted. While some may not think that this is much of an accomplishment, you must keep in mind that I NEVER play these games the way you are supposed to. Usually I will flesh out any cheats I can find, and play the game like that. This one, of course, has no 'cheats' like a lot of other games, so I am forced to actually play. I must say that I am having fun doing it. I've done all this using two cars. The Colbalt and the Mustang, which of course are as tricked out as I can get them at this point. I did win #8's Mustang when I defeated her, but it's not as fast nor as good as the one I put together.

Good Easter

It was a good Easter this year. Went to Mother's house and had some good food. Most of the family showed up. My older sister brought along her Wii, and fun was had by all. I've never played one of those systems before. I didn't do so well at the bowling or the tennis, but I kicked ass at baseball. We also played Trivial Pursuit, but I wasn't getting any easy questions. Or it may have been that I just didn't know any of the answers...It didn't help that Mother was my partner....All in all, it was fun.

Paradise Pier

Standing on the edge of paradise
someone waited too long.
The door was shut, the moment passed,
stupidity will hit soon,
if it hasn't already.

Do you remember what it looked like?
Do you imagine every day what it
would be like? Can you imagine
your life there?


Standing there in front of me you
waited too long.
My eyes have opened, your chance is gone.
We'll all feel bad a the end if we don't already.

Do you remember what I look like?
Do you imagine every day what I would be like?
Can you imagine your life here?

All the never ending nights have all ended with
you on one side and me on the other.
We stood too long peering into paradise.

Shauna Keimig

Let's Make A Deal

This really isn't from me, but could be written to me...

You forgive me for liking you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for finding you so attractive,
And I'll forgive you for not noticing.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?

by Diane Blue


How do we act when something falls apart, but one party doesn't know for sure what the hell went wrong? Perhaps I did hold back too much. Perhaps the self preservation instinct is too strong. Perhaps having to glue my heart back together time after time has gotten me to the point that it is easier to be distant, rather than jump headlong into the crevasse that could be love.

I suppose closer to the truth, I'm just a hard hearted bastard that is incapable of feeling love and have shut down any emotions that come close to that feeling no matter the consequences.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I can BREATHE!

This morning when I woke up, I could breathe out of both nostrils! Not completely until I blew all the thick mucus that had built up, but it's a start. It is nice not being a mouth breather.

Cubs 13, Royals 1

It was a good day for Cubs fans as they gave Kansas City a royal spanking in Arizona. Although it is only the pre-season, I hope this is a good omen. Only time will tell...

The Illness is almost over

Finally starting to feel human again after a week of illness. It started with the scratchy throat, then went to the stuffy head, then back to the throat before finally setting up shop clogging my sinus'...I would only wish this shit on my worst enemy.... Gah!

I loved you once,
whole-heartedly I loved you,
and you hurt me once.
And all because I let you.

You hurt me once,
selfishly you hurt me,
so I cried for you once.
Foolishly I never learned.

I loved you again,
passionately I loved you,
and you hurt me again.
Endlessly, I cried.

Ever still do I cry,
over how you hurt me,
and how I let you.
I knew it was all a lie.
But foolishly I never learned.

I loved you again,
carefully I loved you,
and you hurt me again.
Endlessly, you lied.

Ever still do you lie,
always in your acts,
never said you those words.
That is why I cry.
And then finally I did learn.

I loved you no more,
eventually I stopped,
and you hurt me no more.
Yes, I finally learned.

I loved you no more.
Through no lesson of yours,
I learned what my love was for.
For something better than you.

I deserved much more.
Thank God I realized,
I deserve much more...

Author unknown to me

Interesting...

Don't you love it when you try to help someone with something that they've never done before, and they act like they know everything about it? Or that it is good enough for them even though potentially thousands of people will see this thing, making them look like a complete jackass? Not only that, but the last few times you've talked to them they've displayed an irritating attitude towards you? It's to the point that you say to yourself, 'Why fucking bother with it anymore'? Well, I'm not going to 'bother with it anymore', I can tell you that. Being the hard hearted bitch that I am, all communication with this individual will cease from this day forward. The decision does not come easy, but it must be done, and done it shall be. This does not pertain to anyone with the initials CR, so he can get that idea out of his head right now. And no, I do not wish to discuss it.

By popular demand...

Books I have read. There are just so many, it would be hard to list, but I do enjoy reading Patricia Cornwell, Stephen King, Sue Grafton, and others like the aforementioned.

Political beliefs, I have many. I believe most politicians are crooked. I believe politicians do not look out for the interests of the people. If you don't believe me, look at our illustrious Governor, Rod Blagojevich. I'm sorry that he's a democrat...That being said, I really support Barack Obama. Hillary will be no good for this country. Think of how talks with the middle east would go considering how they treat women over there. Not good.

The person I would consider to be the best singer of all time would be no easy task to narrow down. That goes for the best album (whatever those might be). It's hard to narrow down a category like this as there is always someone who will disagree with you. You know the ones that say, 'I can't believe you listen to that', or 'Why are you listening to that'?

I have, at least once, had the misfortune to have a cat fall on to my head. Don't ask.

It's about damn time. AGAIN!

Well, it looks like Brett Favre is retiring....again...

Oh Thank Gawd

It looks like it quit snowing for a while. Luckily, there won't be too much more snow the rest of the season. Fingers crossed. I need to do some searching for some relevant topics to post to my new blog. I hope to make it interesting and entertaining, but there is absolutely no guarantee of that happening.

Discuss.

Hmm...

I'm not real sure where to begin again. I haven't blogged for a couple of years since I deleted my last one. People seem to get pissy when you write things for the world to see that they don't agree with. Well, tough shit. I don't always say nice things. I don't always say things the correct way, either.

I suppose I could tell just a little bit about myself, unless whomever reads this just wants to look at my bio.

I'm a gay male living in Springfield, Illinois. I have two cats. There are pictures of three, but if you can read, you will see that Azreal died a couple of years ago. Big loss for me, as she was my friend and companion through many lonely years.

In the past couple of years, I have had a couple of relationships which is in stark contrast to previous years of my life. Someday I will have one that lasts more than a few months.

I would not consider myself to be the atypical gay man in the sense that I don't get embroiled in the typical drama that is so prevalent in the gay life. I also am not effeminate. I know how to work on cars, I can use power tools, and lift heavy objects. Without asking for help. I guess I am more independent than people think I need to be. I am perfectly content in my self imposed solitude, although I do like to go out and socialize at least once a week.

I like computers, music, and movies, although I don't go to the theatre very often. It's just too expensive now-a-days. Not only that movies seem to go to video a couple of months after they hit the theatres. I do play video games, but typically I play the racing or driving games. I don't much care for RPG's. Too many damn buttons to push to do what you want. Give me three or four buttons, and I'm happy.

I do like to have sex occasionally, although that is not the main focus in my relationships. Penis size is not important either. I have learned that the bigger the penis, the less the owner knows how to use it. Give me average any day. I am not typically attracted to the guys that could grace the cover of GQ, although cleanliness is important. It's not good to crawl in bed with someone and they reek of body odour. Soap and water is fairly inexpensive, and it really doesn't take that long to take one shower a day, at least.

I was on a roll with this post, but now I seem to have lost my train of thought. That sucks.

Second Installment...

So I took the plunge today and joined GrandCentral. There is a link on the right side of my blog if you want to try to call me. There is never a guarantee that I will answer. More often than not, your call will go to voicemail. If it's an interesting voicemail, I just may call you back. If you call just to say Fuck You, then no, you will not get a call back.

The Beginning

In the beginning, there was darkness. That's all there is.